Slowly, I am dying.
I am dying because all I get are rejections from these agents. I'm dying because with every rejection a part of my soul is ripped out of me and stashed into a garbage can which will eventually contain more fragments of me than me.
I don't get it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I don't feel the least bit stronger. In fact if anything I feel a tad discouraged. Call me a loser and pathetic but I just spent the past few hours or so leafing through the YouTube pages, watching award shows and wondering if that will ever be me. Will I ever be the one to accept an award, brush a streaming tear off my cheek and insist that no this one--this one is for the fans?
I don't even know what it's like to have fans. I mean, I have readers and they are so nice and whenever one of them compliments me I go (almost) berserk with my thank you's.
I feel like a baby saying this but oh, my God, do I want to be a star.
I want to be a star.
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