do it right.

All I can think is I. Have. To. Write. This.
But even more, all I can think is I have to write this RIGHT. I don't want it to be full of stereotypes and melodrama and boring crap. I want it to ring true to the magnitude of the situation. I want to win. I want to do this right.

I Want To Be a Star.

Slowly, I am dying.
I am dying because all I get are rejections from these agents. I'm dying because with every rejection a part of my soul is ripped out of me and stashed into a garbage can which will eventually contain more fragments of me than me.
I don't get it. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, right? I don't feel the least bit stronger. In fact if anything I feel a tad discouraged. Call me a loser and pathetic but I just spent the past few hours or so leafing through the YouTube pages, watching award shows and wondering if that will ever be me. Will I ever be the one to accept an award, brush a streaming tear off my cheek and insist that no this one--this one is for the fans?
I don't even know what it's like to have fans. I mean, I have readers and they are so nice and whenever one of them compliments me I go (almost) berserk with my thank you's.
I feel like a baby saying this but oh, my God, do I want to be a star.


I want to be a star.

The Harper Dilemma.

Here's the thing: I want all my characters to be unforgettable but especially my protagonists. Lately however, I can't help but feel that Harper (my protag) is another dress-hating dirt-loving biker chick like  all the girls in Sydney White or Mean Girls 2 or So Undercover (or even the Hunger Games, Divergent, Twilight) and I really do not want her to seem like a character I pulled out of a chickflick if ya know what I mean.
But then again this personality is necessary for the plot and character development, I mean I don't want her to undergo some epiphany where she evolves into a normal girl halfway through the book like most of the movies I mentioned before but I don't want her to be a carbon-copy of all of the gitls from the movies I mentioned before.
I don't know why everything is going so wrong I mean Harper was always a solid human being in my head I had no problem defining her but now not only am I unable to define her, I just can't seem to portray that definition in my mind onto paper!
Harper how do I bring you into the real world I mean not even mothers have this much problem giving birth shdjhdripjdsfgx.

Weak.

It's Ramadan meaning we fast until sunrise. Work always doubles in Ramadan and inspiration always dims. I've been talking to two of my friends and somewhat blindly promised them both that they would be the first to read an excerpt of my manuscript, knowing that neither will be.
I'm just really self-conscious about my work and what that says about me or my work cannot be too good.

LBD.

Guess who made a dramatic change in her novel?! ME.
Basically I changed the father's disease from Alzheimer's to LBD mainly because almost everyone who's published a novel has several on Alzheimer's disease and also because well this disease is so much more interesting.
For those of you who aren't up to date with it, it's basically Alzheimer's + Parkinson's disease.

Alzheimer's somewhat "runs" in my family. My mother's side of the family to be exact. Her mother--my grandmother--has a somewhat mild but progressive form of dementia (because not all dementias are Alzheimer's, as the public would like to believe) and my mother's father--my grandfather--has a sister with dementia.

I don't want to think of what that might mean for my mother.

Eitherway, LBD.

I want to touch a heart with this book so I'm going to try and talk with as many caregivers and even LBD patients as I physically can.

Love always.

One Man's Treasure.

Hey Blogbabes! Guess who’s back after a (really really really long) hiatus! Sorry—fourth year Medicine happened and I hadn’t found the time to scratch my head, let alone go fix my phone and access the world wide web.

Anyway, let’s skip the small talk.

I’M REWRITING HARPER.

After only a hundred rejections from literary agents—I don’t even consider them rejections anymore, just delivery forms—I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe it’s not just the struggle all writers encounter when starting out, maybe it’s my writing. Or my query. Or the beginning of my story—which according to almost all websites is the most important aspect of the story.

So I’ve been mulling over some starting lines to great novels. I had that accustomed “Shit, after reading all these masterpieces I’m never writing again.” Freakout so you can understand why it took me a while to post about it.

I’m going to “spice up” Harper if that sounds right which it doesn’t but oh well.

Also, I’m changing the ending.

LOL, and the middle.

So yeah basically I’m throwing away almost two years of hard work and research because I realized that one man’s treasure (my novel to me) is another man’s trash (my novel to them).

Dear Blogbabes.

Dear Blogbabes,

At the risk of sounding like another dimwitted teen drama queen, Macy still likes him.
She thought she didn't, she prayed and hoped she didn't, but the truth is she still does.
But he's so shallow. He's an ass, he's rude, a lady's man, an arrogant freak.
But maybe, just maybe, he likes her too.
Cuz all they exchange is glances.

But this is looking like a contest...of who can act like they care less.

And he's winning.